Manage Your Anger

If you want a loving relationship with your partner, do not mix anger and love. This is a simple fact of life. Anger and love do not mix.

Anger generates fear and naturally, we distance from that which we fear. On the other hand, love is the instinct of attraction and closeness. Simply, you can understand that you cannot “come closer” while at the same time you “distance yourself.” Thus, love and anger are incompatible; they are natural enemies.

Learn about anger management

In order to avoid anger, the first step of anger management is the ability to identify when you are angry. Anger can be expressed in many different ways. When angry, some people are loud, sarcastic, silent, mean and cutting in their comments. Anger can be obvious or concealed.

An example of “obvious anger”

When John became angry, everyone in the home at that time knew about it. In fact, the first thing the children would do would run to close all the windows so as not to advertise their family shame throughout the neighborhood. With a raised voice, John would verbally attack the victim of his anger. He would call names, belittle, and at times even threatened. Typically, his performance ended with throwing something across a room or slamming a door or two.

An example of “concealed anger”

When angry, Sharon seemed distant. She avoided eye contact, kept to herself and for the most part remained silent. When the target of her anger spoke to her, her response, seemingly unrelated to the topic at hand, would include sarcasm and subtle putdowns. This could carry on for days. Often other family members had no idea as to why Sharon was behaving the way she was. They could no longer even recall what the incident was that initially triggered the anger.

The bottom line is clear: A close and loving relationship with your partner and or children requires that anger be kept out of the home. You need to learn how to manage anger.

Learn to deal with anger

If you are not sure how to control anger, I highly recommend you find a good anger management course or anger management class. There are many different types, and with a little research, certainly you can find one that fits your budget, learning style and preference. Look for an anger course that offers practical anger management techniques.

Without anger management skills relationships breakdown is unavoidable

Most relationships that break down, whether between a husband and a wife or between a parent and a child are the results of the lack of anger control. If men and women could better control anger, divorce rates would fall dramatically and estrangement with children would be greatly reduced.

Yes, anger and love are natural enemies. Knowing this should motivate you to learn about anger management and put your anger management skills to good use so that love can grow between you and those you care about.

However anger is expressed it is highly destructive; to you, the person the anger is directed at and to anyone else present.

If you think arguing is part of a normal relationship, then think again. Healthy relationships are built with kindness, harmony and understanding. Learn some anger management techniques or take an anger management course if needed. You and your family will be better for it.

Never act on any advice given in these articles or videos. Always seek professional help before acting on anything you read or watch on this website.

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