Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

James, presenter.
Talks silence in therapy.

Silence in therapy : Say for example I've been seeing a therapist for quite a while and it gets awkward so they haven't got around to asking them what do you think what means?

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

James, presenter.
Talks silence in therapy.

Say for example I've been seeing a therapist for quite a while and it gets awkward so they haven't got around to asking them what do you think what means?

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

Richard Mills
Therapist, Counsellor, Psychologist.
Talks silence in therapy.

Yeah therapy relationships very different to each other we sit there in a coffee bar with a friend or arrive home from work and start talking to our partner and it’s the to and fro banter. what the counsellor was doing in those moments it's not just to make you uncomfortable it’s to its to leave a space for something to emerge into and that thing is who you are in those moments when someone isn't feeding you or looking at you for example.

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

Richard Mills,
Therapist, Counsellor, Psychologist.

Talks silence in therapy.

Yeah therapy relationships very different to each other we sit there in a coffee bar with a friend or arrive home from work and start talking to our partner and it’s the to and fro banter. what the counsellor was doing in those moments it's not just to make you uncomfortable it’s to its to leave a space for something to emerge into and that thing is who you are in those moments when someone isn't feeding you or looking at you for example.

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

James, presenter.
Talks silence in therapy.

It’s like an analysis.

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

James, presenter.
Talks silence in therapy.

It’s like an analysis.

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

Richard Mills
Therapist, Counsellor, Psychologist.
Talks silence in therapy.

I mean that this comes from psychoanalysis kind of a message because if you if you if you talk a bit then you stop talking and then I start talking well you stop thinking other than to concentrate on what I am talking about.

Ok so I've interrupted your thought flow so what what the councellor is doing is leaving space for things to come up that wouldn't come up in a normal style of conversation. I'll give you an example you're talking and then you stop talking and then I leave a gap you might for example say what I was just talking about it didn't make any sense you might say well that's really clever I’ve never come across that idea before and if but if I start talking immediately it might might stop you having those thoughts so the silence is an opportunity but they they can't feel uncomfortable because it's not what we're used to yeah.

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

Richard Mills,
Therapist, Counsellor, Psychologist.

Talks silence in therapy.

I mean that this comes from psychoanalysis kind of a message because if you if you if you talk a bit then you stop talking and then I start talking well you stop thinking other than to concentrate on what I am talking about.

Ok so I've interrupted your thought flow so what what the councellor is doing is leaving space for things to come up that wouldn't come up in a normal style of conversation. I'll give you an example you're talking and then you stop talking and then I leave a gap you might for example say what I was just talking about it didn't make any sense you might say well that's really clever I’ve never come across that idea before and if but if I start talking immediately it might might stop you having those thoughts so the silence is an opportunity but they they can't feel uncomfortable because it's not what we're used to yeah

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

James, presenter.
Talks silence in therapy.

just keep talking keep talking.

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

James, presenter.
Talks silence in therapy.

just keep talking keep talking.

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

Richard Mills
Therapist, Counsellor, Psychologist.
Talks silence in therapy.

Now the thing is we've got this thing that psychoanalysts called unconscious fantasies okay their subconscious, fears, worries, desires, impulses, the stuff that come in our dreams that we sometimes it pretty dark. we call these things unconscious fantasies and when the therapist leaves a silence you might find unconscious fantasies coming up so I'll give you an example you you talk and you say what do you think and then I'm a therapist I look back at you and i don’t answer yet

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

Richard Mills,
Therapist, Counsellor, Psychologist.

Talks silence in therapy.

Now the thing is we've got this thing that psychoanalysts called unconscious fantasies okay their subconscious, fears, worries, desires, impulses, the stuff that come in our dreams that we sometimes it pretty dark. we call these things unconscious fantasies and when the therapist leaves a silence you might find unconscious fantasies coming up so I'll give you an example you you talk and you say what do you think and then I'm a therapist I look back at you and i don’t answer yet

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

James, presenter.
Talks silence in therapy.

Oh yeah yeah that's happened to me in CBT before.

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

James, presenter.
Talks silence in therapy.

Oh yeah yeah that's happened to me in CBT before.

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

Richard Mills
Therapist, Counsellor, Psychologist.
Talks silence in therapy.

yeah and then I look away and I am still thinking and in a normal conversation out of jumped in and we go you might you might then start to think what's he thinking does he think I'm just talked a load of rubbish is he thinking god this guy's really boring I think it's time to end therapy because I can't stand meeting him so you your unconscious fantasies have been bad bad news for people comes up and if you know and then well not necessarily confirmed that might feel confirmed to you. You might come to a point then hopefully you could say I hate it when you could say to me I hate it when you leave a silence like that I don't like it I know I might say to you what comes up then and then you might say well I had these thoughts of being useless or I'm bad news for people and we brought some it's a light so that's what that can be useful so my advice to anyone is first to stick with it but before that talk to your therapist. People even say to your therapist why do you do it why do you do these silences I don't like it don't worry about giving your therapist a hard time. it’s what lot of people do we we know relationships with people we try and smooth things over we trying you know happy face do what's expected of us we don't rock the boat you know it's my turn to buy the drinks we don't want to be seen as unpleasant we don't want to ask awkward questions.

Well my advice is try and leave that behind you when you arrive for your counselling session and say anything you like and ask you therapist any question you like.

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

Richard Mills,
Therapist, Counsellor, Psychologist.

Talks silence in therapy.

yeah and then I look away and I am still thinking and in a normal conversation out of jumped in and we go you might you might then start to think what's he thinking does he think I'm just talked a load of rubbish is he thinking god this guy's really boring I think it's time to end therapy because I can't stand meeting him so you your unconscious fantasies have been bad bad news for people comes up and if you know and then well not necessarily confirmed that might feel confirmed to you. You might come to a point then hopefully you could say I hate it when you could say to me I hate it when you leave a silence like that I don't like it I know I might say to you what comes up then and then you might say well I had these thoughts of being useless or I'm bad news for people and we brought some it's a light so that's what that can be useful so my advice to anyone is first to stick with it but before that talk to your therapist. People even say to your therapist why do you do it why do you do these silences I don't like it don't worry about giving your therapist a hard time. it’s what lot of people do we we know relationships with people we try and smooth things over we trying you know happy face do what's expected of us we don't rock the boat you know it's my turn to buy the drinks we don't want to be seen as unpleasant we don't want to ask awkward questions.

Well my advice is try and leave that behind you when you arrive for your counselling session and say anything you like and ask you therapist any question you like.

Never act on any advice given in these articles or videos. Always seek professional help before acting on anything you read or watch on this website.

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

James, presenter.
Talks benefits
of counselling.

What parts of counselling make it worthwhile?  How exactly is actually helping people?

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

James, presenter.
Talks silence in therapy.

Say for example I've been seeing a therapist for quite a while and it gets awkward so they haven't got around to asking them what do you think what means?

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

Richard Mills
Therapist, Counsellor, Psychologist.
Talks benefits
of counselling

Great question. Because on the face of it.  It's just two people talking in a room in the home and if you just approach that question casually.  It would be astounding just to think well it took you know I've got some difficulties in living. And so I am going to sit down and have a conversation with someone.  and I am going to be happier and have that work? it’s a great question and one of Freud's early patients called it the talking cure. But really what happens in therapy is more than just talking.  Because if it was just talking, you'd feel the benefits just from talking with a friend and you know let's go for coffee let's go for a drink. Come around for a meal two hours talking how you how you bye bye.  Why doesn’t that help me feel, why doesn’t that help me solve my problems etc. So let me outline at least three of the main therapeutic factors which, firstly, I would say, being seen. Which might sound a bit strange if you’ve never heard it put like that before.

When I was training many years ago, I was in a group.  The very first meeting of this group there's about ten of us in the group with the group leader.  And the group leader in that typical group style said like ‘what do you all want here?’ And I thought, blimey! what do I want? And this woman over there, she said, ‘I want to be seen.’ I thought what on earth does she mean you know I don't have a visual impairment, I can see her.  So it is not it is not just literally about being seen visibly. But it's I think it's about being tuned into. In fact, I think tuning into is a very good way of putting it because I believe we all, I'm gonna get I'm gonna get spiritual now get a bit spiritual now. I believe that individuals kind of vibrate I think we vibrate a certain energy. I believe that that some well I won’t go too far down that that track.

Richard Mills,
Therapist, Counsellor, Psychologist.

Talks silence in therapy.

Yeah therapy relationships very different to each other we sit there in a coffee bar with a friend or arrive home from work and start talking to our partner and it’s the to and fro banter. what the counsellor was doing in those moments it's not just to make you uncomfortable it’s to its to leave a space for something to emerge into and that thing is who you are in those moments when someone isn't feeding you or looking at you for example.

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

James, presenter.
Talks benefits
of counselling.

What parts of counselling make it worthwhile?  How exactly is actually helping people?

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

James, presenter.
Talks silence in therapy.

It’s like an analysis.

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

Richard Mills
Therapist, Counsellor, Psychologist.
Talks benefits
of counselling

Great question. Because on the face of it.  It's just two people talking in a room in the home and if you just approach that question casually.  It would be astounding just to think well it took you know I've got some difficulties in living. And so I am going to sit down and have a conversation with someone.  and I am going to be happier and have that work? it’s a great question and one of Freud's early patients called it the talking cure. But really what happens in therapy is more than just talking.  Because if it was just talking, you'd feel the benefits just from talking with a friend and you know let's go for coffee let's go for a drink. Come around for a meal two hours talking how you how you bye bye.  Why doesn’t that help me feel, why doesn’t that help me solve my problems etc. So let me outline at least three of the main therapeutic factors which, firstly, I would say, being seen. Which might sound a bit strange if you’ve never heard it put like that before.

When I was training many years ago, I was in a group.  The very first meeting of this group there's about ten of us in the group with the group leader.  And the group leader in that typical group style said like ‘what do you all want here?’ And I thought, blimey! what do I want? And this woman over there, she said, ‘I want to be seen.’ I thought what on earth does she mean you know I don't have a visual impairment, I can see her.  So it is not it is not just literally about being seen visibly. But it's I think it's about being tuned into. In fact, I think tuning into is a very good way of putting it because I believe we all, I'm gonna get I'm gonna get spiritual now get a bit spiritual now. I believe that individuals kind of vibrate I think we vibrate a certain energy. I believe that that some well I won’t go too far down that that track.

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

Richard Mills,
Therapist, Counsellor, Psychologist.

Talks silence in therapy.

I mean that this comes from psychoanalysis kind of a message because if you if you if you talk a bit then you stop talking and then I start talking well you stop thinking other than to concentrate on what I am talking about.

Ok so I've interrupted your thought flow so what what the councellor is doing is leaving space for things to come up that wouldn't come up in a normal style of conversation. I'll give you an example you're talking and then you stop talking and then I leave a gap you might for example say what I was just talking about it didn't make any sense you might say well that's really clever I’ve never come across that idea before and if but if I start talking immediately it might might stop you having those thoughts so the silence is an opportunity but they they can't feel uncomfortable because it's not what we're used to yeah

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

James, presenter.
Talks benefits
of counselling.

What parts of counselling make it worthwhile?  How exactly is actually helping people?

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

James, presenter.
Talks silence in therapy.

just keep talking keep talking.

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

Richard Mills
Therapist, Counsellor, Psychologist.
Talks benefits
of counselling

Great question. Because on the face of it.  It's just two people talking in a room in the home and if you just approach that question casually.  It would be astounding just to think well it took you know I've got some difficulties in living. And so I am going to sit down and have a conversation with someone.  and I am going to be happier and have that work? it’s a great question and one of Freud's early patients called it the talking cure. But really what happens in therapy is more than just talking.  Because if it was just talking, you'd feel the benefits just from talking with a friend and you know let's go for coffee let's go for a drink. Come around for a meal two hours talking how you how you bye bye.  Why doesn’t that help me feel, why doesn’t that help me solve my problems etc. So let me outline at least three of the main therapeutic factors which, firstly, I would say, being seen. Which might sound a bit strange if you’ve never heard it put like that before.

When I was training many years ago, I was in a group.  The very first meeting of this group there's about ten of us in the group with the group leader.  And the group leader in that typical group style said like ‘what do you all want here?’ And I thought, blimey! what do I want? And this woman over there, she said, ‘I want to be seen.’ I thought what on earth does she mean you know I don't have a visual impairment, I can see her.  So it is not it is not just literally about being seen visibly. But it's I think it's about being tuned into. In fact, I think tuning into is a very good way of putting it because I believe we all, I'm gonna get I'm gonna get spiritual now get a bit spiritual now. I believe that individuals kind of vibrate I think we vibrate a certain energy. I believe that that some well I won’t go too far down that that track.

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

Richard Mills,
Therapist, Counsellor, Psychologist.

Talks silence in therapy.

Now the thing is we've got this thing that psychoanalysts called unconscious fantasies okay their subconscious, fears, worries, desires, impulses, the stuff that come in our dreams that we sometimes it pretty dark. we call these things unconscious fantasies and when the therapist leaves a silence you might find unconscious fantasies coming up so I'll give you an example you you talk and you say what do you think and then I'm a therapist I look back at you and i don’t answer yet

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

James, presenter.
Talks benefits
of counselling.

What parts of counselling make it worthwhile?  How exactly is actually helping people?

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

James, presenter.
Talks silence in therapy.

Oh yeah yeah that's happened to me in CBT before.
Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

Richard Mills,
Therapist, Counsellor, Psychologist.

Talks silence in therapy.

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

Richard Mills
Therapist, Counsellor, Psychologist.
Talks benefits
of counselling

Great question. Because on the face of it.  It's just two people talking in a room in the home and if you just approach that question casually.  It would be astounding just to think well it took you know I've got some difficulties in living. And so I am going to sit down and have a conversation with someone.  and I am going to be happier and have that work? it’s a great question and one of Freud's early patients called it the talking cure. But really what happens in therapy is more than just talking.  Because if it was just talking, you'd feel the benefits just from talking with a friend and you know let's go for coffee let's go for a drink. Come around for a meal two hours talking how you how you bye bye.  Why doesn’t that help me feel, why doesn’t that help me solve my problems etc. So let me outline at least three of the main therapeutic factors which, firstly, I would say, being seen. Which might sound a bit strange if you’ve never heard it put like that before.

When I was training many years ago, I was in a group.  The very first meeting of this group there's about ten of us in the group with the group leader.  And the group leader in that typical group style said like ‘what do you all want here?’ And I thought, blimey! what do I want? And this woman over there, she said, ‘I want to be seen.’ I thought what on earth does she mean you know I don't have a visual impairment, I can see her.  So it is not it is not just literally about being seen visibly. But it's I think it's about being tuned into. In fact, I think tuning into is a very good way of putting it because I believe we all, I'm gonna get I'm gonna get spiritual now get a bit spiritual now. I believe that individuals kind of vibrate I think we vibrate a certain energy. I believe that that some well I won’t go too far down that that track.

Save Therapy Silence in therapy, ask #savetherapy, e10 Counselling  Silence in therapy

Richard Mills,
Therapist, Counsellor, Psychologist.

Talks silence in therapy.

yeah and then I look away and I am still thinking and in a normal conversation out of jumped in and we go you might you might then start to think what's he thinking does he think I'm just talked a load of rubbish is he thinking god this guy's really boring I think it's time to end therapy because I can't stand meeting him so you your unconscious fantasies have been bad bad news for people comes up and if you know and then well not necessarily confirmed that might feel confirmed to you. You might come to a point then hopefully you could say I hate it when you could say to me I hate it when you leave a silence like that I don't like it I know I might say to you what comes up then and then you might say well I had these thoughts of being useless or I'm bad news for people and we brought some it's a light so that's what that can be useful so my advice to anyone is first to stick with it but before that talk to your therapist. People even say to your therapist why do you do it why do you do these silences I don't like it don't worry about giving your therapist a hard time. it’s what lot of people do we we know relationships with people we try and smooth things over we trying you know happy face do what's expected of us we don't rock the boat you know it's my turn to buy the drinks we don't want to be seen as unpleasant we don't want to ask awkward questions.

Well my advice is try and leave that behind you when you arrive for your counselling session and say anything you like and ask you therapist any question you like.

Never act on any advice given in these articles or videos. Always seek professional help before acting on anything you read or watch on this website.

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